Posted 1 hour ago

They make you take your contacts out and then make you sit here and wait for the eye doctor so if I know anyone at Walmart and they wave to me, I can’t see.

Posted 1 day ago

slimiest:

a CEO walks into his office “any messages?” he asks his assistant
“two anons want to know who tom petty is and one just says ‘post your ballsack’”
“got it. check my dashboard”
“that skeleton gif you like is back again”
he rubs his chin pensively “mm. reblog that”

Posted 1 day ago

When you meet someone equally as weird as you

livesstillposed:

sodamnrelatable:

image

image

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I feel like this is essentially how all of my friendships start.

(Source: urbanendling)

Posted 1 day ago

thisismedisappearing:

I stubbed my toe and naturally I screamed “mOTHERFUCKER” and then my dad poked his head out of the livingroom and said “you rang?”

Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago
castieltherebel:

good thing he’s buying pampers cause he just shat his pants

castieltherebel:

good thing he’s buying pampers cause he just shat his pants

Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago

youngwildandsouthern:

These days I go down to Walmart and they sell em in the back
Some people wanna take em away
Why don’t you go and bust some boys that’s sellin crack.
Guns, whether Remington or Glocks
Come on man it ain’t like I’m slingin em on the block
I’m gonna tell you once and listen son
As long as I’m alive and breathin
You won’t take my guns🎶🎶

Posted 1 day ago

jerkidiot:

wlovepierce:

jerkidiot:

sonnyforpresident:

jerkidiot:

jerkidiot:

IM A TEENAGER I WANNA BE DANGEROUS I WANNA DO SOMETHING CRAZY I WANNA GO STEAL A TRAFFIC LIGHT

REBELLION

image

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT TRAFFIC LIGHTS WERE A LOT SMALLER

YOU THINK THAT’S BIG?? CHECK OUT THIS STOP SIGN I JUST GRABBED

image

STOP STEALING ROAD NAVIGATIONAL ESSENTIALS.

NO

Posted 1 day ago
Posted 1 day ago

doubtful-seer:

horsesforfraublucher:

thedevilstongue:

olivialaurel:

My dad and I were in a hotel and he tried the coffee and smiled and said “ahh, it’s like making love in a canoe.” and I said, “it’s that good?” and he stopped smiling and looked me in the eye and said, “no, it’s fucking close to water" before pouring it down the drain really dramatically and walking away.

Oh my GOD.

Extreme dad jokes.

Good lord…

Posted 2 days ago
Posted 2 days ago

naturevalley:

The Appalachian Trail is nearly 2,180 miles long passing through 14 states. Now that’s a hike!